Rethinking Social Media: Insights from Dr. Maria Mastronardi

 Q – How does social media affect how we see ourselves and the world? 

As more than seventy-five percent of Americans have at least one social media account, this technology has become a central hub of connectedness.

Social media has reshaped our way of connecting with one another and, by extension, connecting with ourselves. 

How many followers do you have on your Insta?

What does my number of followers say about me as a person? 

What would you think if you saw that I was followed by someone famous, like Michelle Obama, or someone infamous, like your ex-spouse? 

These kinds of questions highlight some of the ways that social media is used as a lens for evaluating identity and personal value. As such, there is a dark side to how social media can function.

Specifically, social media can act as a catalyst for self-criticism, shame, and humiliation.

Social media offer an extremely rich environment for us to learn about the world and one another. At the same time, these platforms are unreliable sources of self-esteem. When people who struggle with self-esteem come to experience social media as a selfobject, this reliance can perpetuate a continual need for external validation, prompt feelings of inferiority, and generate a kind of perpetual FOMO (fear of missing out). So that’s one-way people struggle. We can also be shamed, humiliated, attacked, even mobbed by strangers over relatively benign statements. We learn to compare ourselves to others—appearance, social engagement, career success—in ways that were previously limited to one’s immediate community. A new anxiety has emerged around missing out and being less-than.

Also, dating apps have become a fundamental part of dating and mating experiences today—Match.com’s data suggest that one out of four marriages in the United States began through an online app. While these tools certainly broaden a person’s access to a wider set of potential partners, they also encourage a kind of performativity or game playing that can inhibit authentic interactions. Over the long term, the interactive “masks” they seem to promote can derail growth and self-acceptance. 

What’s worse, social media has been used to cause a great deal of pain. Cyberbullying, harassment, exclusion. Digital images can be saved, and conversations can become screenshots. Cultural norms and expectations around sexting, in particular, have led to horror stories of revenge pornography. It’s no wonder that rates of suicide among US girls between 10-14 have escalated by one third since 2007, which coincides with social media’s popularity. 

Despite the difficulties which have come from social media, there is hope. Just as we can learn to understand ourselves and others in healthier ways offline, we can also learn to engage with social media in ways that are purposeful and meaningful.

Q – What are some common myths about social media use?

I often hear about all of the ways that social media (and screen time, more generally) is detrimental to humanity. Although the research is mixed (here’s a great article if you’d like to learn more), many claim that social media use supposedly threatens sacred human experiences like “being with family” or “time in nature.” 

My sense is that most people who are waging this panicked discourse are those of us who grew up without Internet access. We see young people growing up in a fundamentally different media environment than we did, and so we find it terrifying. 

Many of us carry great deal of nostalgia for the old, “lost” way of being. Wrapped up that nostalgia is a fantasy of an ideal childhood and a sense of fear about the future. I like to remind people that throughout civilization, our subjectivity has always been dynamic – reshaped and realigned by dominant communication technologies. Imagine how writing culture changed human experience, for example, when we no longer had to rely on bards and storytellers for sharing historical understandings. 

The truth is, it would be so much simpler if social media was purely unhealthy or detrimental. Instead, just as any other tool, social media can be used in many different ways. We must learn how to manage the contradictions—that social media is bad/good, that screens are ruining/building human connection, that technology will change/augment our world—and find ways of living our best lives.

Q – Depth Counseling strives to go “beneath” presenting symptoms to understand the person in greater depth. This means understanding the private, and sometimes unconscious, needs, wishes and emotions that shape their lived experience. How does this approach differ from other approaches?

Many of us believe that the symptoms we struggle with are the problem, and the approaches that have emerged from the cognitive behavioral paradigm tend to treat them as such. 

From a psychoanalytic perspective, however, the symptom is the solution. It is not something to extinguish but to understand at a deep level because somehow, it has helped us cope with emotional distress and trauma. It has also helped us stay in familiar, if miserable, territory. Psychoanalysis helps us make friends with our demons in a way. And through this process, we grow—we develop new resources, we find new strengths, and our suffering resolves.

This applies to difficulties related to social media, technology, and relationships. Whatever suffering or struggle you might be experiencing, you can find freedom by learning where those feelings stem from, identifying your unmet need, and discovering new ways of responding to the world.

Q – What might you say to a prospective patient who is considering starting therapy with you?

My best advice is: feel free to shop around!

Forming a relationship with a new therapist can be a life-altering process. Before starting, I would meet with several therapists and see how it feels to be with them. We all work differently; we all have different personalities we bring into the room. See who is out there, notice the reactions you have to different therapists, and choose to work with somebody with whom you have a strong connection.

If you are interested in giving therapy a try, if you are motivated to do some of the deeper work, or if you want to move forward from your struggles—let’s connect.

---

Interested? Contact us today!

We would love to hear from you. If you would like to learn more about our services or schedule to begin your first therapy session, check out our Contact page! Our team of dynamic providers is dedicated to providing you with exceptional care on your journey.

Our Chicago offices are located on the North Side (2650 West Montrose Avenue), the Loop (122 South Michigan Avenue), and on the South side in Hyde Park. We serve adults and families from all over the Chicago area and beyond, such as Evanston, Cicero, Hammond, Oak Lawn, Oak Park, and Arlington Heights. If you have questions or concerns, or if you would like help finding our offices, please let us know!

Read About Us

To learn more about our fantastic team of mental health clinicians, click on the People tab. Our providers offer specialty services in both individual and couples counseling. In addition to psychotherapy, we also offer the chance to engage in Psychoanalysis—a specific long-term and intensive treatment model. Our practice draws heavily from Psychodynamic theory, which has been shown to be incredibly effective through multiple research efforts.

It’s not just in the name—Depth Counseling is about moving beyond basic counseling techniques to understand deeper parts of your psyche. Get more out of your treatment, and experience the healing power of Depth Counseling.